Wiz: Jokes aside, Deadpool can move faster than the eye can track. Christ almighty, do some research for once, you frauds! Wiz: Here we can see him running, much like typical human beings run, and the average male running speed is about 9.4 kilometers per hour.ĭeadpool: Hey, hey! I was outrunning a goddamn airplane, do you know how fast airplanes are?! Jesus H. Amazing.ĭeadpool: Guys, what the hell? You know I can kick people through concrete walls and yank around a six-ton helicopter, right? That's a Desert Eagle Mark 19, which weighs 72 whole ounces. Based on Deadpool's canon weight and examining the distribution of mass here, we can deduce his legs can support 210 pounds or just under a hundred kilograms.īoomstick: Oh! Or how about the time he held up this pistol. Deadpool has showcased his impressive super strength when at one point, he stood up straight, without aid. I mean, maybe.īoomstick: Oh yeah? Well, let's go over some of these feats of yours. It rewrites canon itself and could even make Wiz and Boomstick bearable co-hosts. Like, a gun that wipes you from history, the actual Venom symbiote, and the seventh Infinity Stone, the Continuity Gem. Wiz: Even then, Deadpool is a walking arsenal with enough machine guns, sniper rifles, grenades, rocket launchers, tranquilizers, et cetera, to take out a small country.ĭeadpool: And if I'm feeling cute, I might delete you later with any one of the wacky weapons of mass destruction I've picked up on my misadventures. Fully charged, they can even cut The Hulk. With weapons, especially my lovely Golden Girls, Bea, and Arthur.īoomstick: That would be his katanas, which are almost unbreakable thanks to an energy field from his suit. 'bout as deep as I am in his girlfriend, hey-yo!īoomstick: Good thing Thanos removed the curse so we could violently murder you.ĭeadpool: Well, as much as I liked getting resurrected after that, I like doing the opposite to other people even more. You know you were cursed with everlasting life by Thanos during some of that.ĭeadpool: Yeah, well, me and Space Grimace have a really deep relationship. Wiz: Don't take all the credit for yourself. I've survived gunshot wounds, impalement, organ destruction, soupifacation, and even freaking disintegration. Though, it's hard to tell sometimes, 'cause he lets himself get hit a lot.ĭeadpool: Hey, when you have a healing factor that would make even Logan's nuclear-charred adamantium skeleton blush, you let yourself nosh on a lead sandwich every once in a while. But he put that super swagger to use as an expert martial artist. Super strength, super speed, super toughness, the works. Wiz: After escaping in gruesome fashion, Wade resumed his life as a mercenary, taking the name: Deadpool.īoomstick: He's got your standard superhuman buffs. Weasel: You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado. It gave him the same crazy healing factor, but also turned his face into an improv comedy prop. Wiz: Department K was actually a sect of the Weapon X program, a top-secret project for crafting super-soldiers by any means necessary.īoomstick: They shot Wade up with fifty CCs of hot, creamy Wolverine juice. But then the good folks of Department K offered me a cure! Sounded great. Way back, I got stuck in a seriously shitty situation called Cancer, the worst supervillain. I'm Wade Wilson, masterful mercenary and twice robbed of winning People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" award. Some are instantly relatable, a prime example of an average person in a not-so-average world.īoomstick: And some are shoved in your face over and over and OVER AGAIN until you just can't take it anymore!Īn animated avatar of Deadpool appears on-screen.ĭeadpool: Aw, shucks! Are you talking about me? You're such a sweet talker!ĭeadpool: We've been through this, but why stop a good thing? Hi. Some are gothic knights of darkness, a showcase of order versus chaos. Wiz: Every famous superhero has a special something that makes them recognizable. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win-ĭeadpool's animated avatar pops on the screen.ĭeadpool: My third Death Battle! HA! Wait, what was that about a micropenis? Could've sworn that would get his attention. Wiz: Such as Deadpool, Marvel's merc with a micropenis.īoomstick: And The Mask, a total chad who just oozes big dick energy.Ĭut to Wiz and Boomstick looking off in anticipation. Wiz: To most of us, the laws of reality are unbending rules we never question.īoomstick: Even for us.
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